How are you doing?
How'ya you doing? How's your paperwork? Don't forget the "disposition of the body" form. We wouldn't want blood relatives sweeping in and taking you off to the family plot. Are you back to writing on that novel? Does it matter anymore? Don't watch all that news. It's a technique, "flooding," to keep you overwhelmed and ineffective. "How's your heart," is what one dear friend asks us. "Get a passport," is what I nag about, especially to trans friends. I might delete this last part where I acknowledge even the existence of transgender people. I'm not sure of the line between erasure and exposure.
How am I doing? I'm self-centered and bitter. After the election I was stunned with anger—at myself. I had let myself be swept up into hope and door knock and donate toward that hope. I'm seventy-two. I should know better what this country is about. How could I have been sucked in? I'm not as angry anymore. Now I'm petty. I get in power struggle disagreements with my wife about coffee makers and video doorbells that are really about disability and personal safety. Since the election my writing has been rejected four times and didn't make even the nomination list for an award I'd held out hope for. Hope. It has sent me into a self-aggrandizing (My work is also worthwhile and decently written, right?) funk. It's extraordinarily embarrassing.
But I flail around trying to figure out how to resist. Again, I'm seventy-two. Sometimes, I think I'll be dead soon and won't have to deal. Other times I think I'll be dead soon anyway, it should be my body, my writing, my safety at risk. I want to come up against something that I can be an immovable force in front of. But in front of what? Nothing has happened yet. Has it?
Do you subscribe to ND Stevenson's newsletter? Here's an excerpt, with his powerful graphics of script and spacing removed, from something he wrote to us.
"I think you will know the brave thing when you see it." —"Travel Light" by ND Stevenson
Audio Version:
I needed to hear this today. Thank you for putting my feelings into words.
The brave thing is to keep writing! Take up psychic space! Influence! Leave a trace! You make such a difference.